The End of Childhood is Imminent.

"Dobby never meant kill. He only meant to maim or seriously injure."

I watched Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1 tonight in Belmont's student life center. Before it's been released on DVD!!

I love the movie, but I hate that the end is approaching. Harry Potter has been one of the largest parts of my childhood. It's weird to think that something that's been so me for so long will be all over in July. There's one last premiere, and, chances are, I won't be able to attend.

The Facebook group "Reading HP 7 was like killing the 7th horcrux of my childhood" is no joke. That's what it feels like. A huge part of what made me who I am has a true finite ending, and it's quickly approaching. A part of me will probably die the day part two is released.

I guess this just serves to remind me not to find my identify in anything but the eternal, the infinite. I should not be known as "a Harry Potter fan," and if that's all people are seeing, then something's wrong.

Excuse how ridiculous this sounds, but people should know me as "a Jesus fan." At least He won't come to a screeching halt on me after all these years.


It's strange having to say goodbye to my childhood, and for a number of reasons I don't want to let it go. But my ultimate purpose doesn't lie in my childhood, in my twelve-year-old self.

Much of who I am is a result of my fanatic love for Harry Potter and all things book related, and I do believe there was a point to that; however, I can't rely on it any longer. It has an end, as do all things.

Eric and Olivia

The Show Ponies

The Waiting Game

I'm sorry, but waiting stinks. Stinks like a family of skunks wafting through open car windows on a Texas road.

I feel as if all I've done for the past seven months is wait.

Wait, wait, wait.

Fill out an application.... Wait.
Ask for references.... Wait.
Ask references again because they didn't respond.... Wait.
Miss phone interview.... Wait.
Reschedule phone interview (twice).... Wait.
Do phone interview.... Wait.
... wait.

All those two to three week periods between "answers" add up.

And now? One last wait.

But that won't solve all the problems...

I'm late. Late, late, late. Very far behind.

I'm trying to let go of wait, wait, wait and late, late, late.

My new mantra?
Patience, patience, patience and trust, trust, trust.

Believe me, patience is one virtue I find very hard to come by.

What Constitutes Elegant Food?

I feel refined.

Margaret says that's ridiculous: it was fried southern cooking.

Explanation:

I took some big steps tonight.

1. I ate a carrot. A real, huge, raw carrot that started out with all of the other stuff (green stuff) on it that Margaret removed herself. And I ate it plain. Well, almost plain, with a little bit of hummus and/or cilantro dressing on each bite. BIG deal. I hate vegetables. But! It wasn't that bad! 

2. I ate salmon. Yes, you read that correctly. Salmon. As in the fish. Granted, it was in the form of salmon croquettes.... but still! And I enjoyed it! I even went back and picked up a second one!

So I don't care what way the food was prepared; I ate vegetables and fish tonight!

Be proud. 

Maybe I won't starve in Greece and Scotland...

Summertime?

Goodness! The weather is so unbelievably gorgeous!
I hate this time of year. The beautiful weather is such a tease. I can't believe we're not even close to summertime. I do not want to do any work!

I'm so ready for this:

                                               source

This is the Day.

For five years my mom woke me up over the intercom in the house for school with these words: "This is the day the LORD has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it."

It is no secret that I abhor mornings. And truthfully, it's not the morning I hate. I love mornings. I hate sleeping in and wasting the morning. What I more specifically abhor is waking up. If I have to wake up, I like waking up to natural sunlight. The sun is up; the day has begun. It's normal and it's natural.

My mom can't remind me of whose day it is every morning anymore. It may be a struggle, but I have to remind myself daily that this day is not my own. God has a purpose for my day. All I have to do is rejoice and praise Him, for He has given me another day, another opportunity to show His glory. I can't let those opportunities pass me by day after day.

I have to wake up sometime. What's more natural than waking up and praising God and going forth into the day with joy in my heart? The sunlight streaming through my window may be an outward reminder of what God is doing in my life, but it isn't necessary. The Word reminds me every day, no matter what the weather outside reflects.

I still have bad days, believe me; in fact, I probably have more bad, frustrated, unhappy, *insert negative adjective here* days than good days. Yet, the LORD made this day, and He is not a thoughtless maker.

If I wake up every day and remind myself that this day belongs to God, my Father, what is there not to rejoice about?

"Rejoice and be glad in it" is not an imperative statement, but merely actions that naturally follow acknowledgement of the LORD's day. It isn't even a conditional statement. It's future fact.

Mom, thank you for all those years of 6 a.m. wake ups for tennis practice in the dark, orchestra sectionals, and class. It was never anything I wanted to do, but I could never be angry about the morning when the first thing I heard was "This is the day the LORD has made."

There is no better way to wake up and embrace the day. I only have to remember that every day belongs to God. I can claim none for myself.

For a girl who suffered from anxiety and nausea every morning for years, this sure is one comforting and encouraging thought.

On Blogging

I've started thinking in blog titles. I'll be sitting in class or walking outside or doing homework or talking to friends and that situation leads to a blog idea. Then I come up with a snappy title for it.

The problem is... I don't have a ton of time to blog. When I do have the time, I don't want to choose just one of those blog ideas and they're all too outdated. I also hate having multiple ideas or themes in one post, yet I don't want to inundate you with twenty posts or so at once.

I'm not sure what I need to do to cure this. Obviously, I need to blog more often, even if it isn't long or poignant or significant. A photo here and a video there will work.

And if I make blogging a habit (because it is definitely something I like to do), then I'll be better about not allowing weeks to go between posts. I use my lack of time as an excuse, but if I'm so used to blogging and I blog more often but with smaller posts, then my time isn't truly an issue.

I need this blog. It's about the only time I write outside of class. I love writing (as I should--writing major and all...), but I find it difficult to write when I don't have something to say. The thing is... I know that I always have something to say. I just don't realize that I can write trivial things, things I have to say but I don't put much value to. Blogging is a relaxing escape for me. I need it more often, believe me.

I don't know. I don't know the point of what I'm saying. I don't know what I need to do. All I know is that I want to write, and I definitely don't do it enough.

I think I expect a job or an internship to just fall into my lap one day. I don't do anything to make employers want me, and I'm not building up a portfolio. I have papers for class, but nobody wants to see those. I know I'm talented, but how would somebody else know that if I don't give them anything to look at?

I've got to write--for me, for my future.

Blogging takes perseverance and dedication. I can do it. I can. My mind works this way. I've just got to put it to paper (metaphorically in this case).

I think? I don't really know.



Just some musings... on blogging.