A prayer.

God,
You are so faithful. You know my heart and you bless me. You've created me with specific talents and passions and given me a heart for your people across the globe. It was you all along. There was nothing I did on my own. Your hand was over me at every step of the way. I'm so thankful. You are αββα, and you love me. I am blessed.
Continue to guide me. Never let me forget your purpose for me. Remind me daily of how unfailing your love is. Help me to keep my eyes and mind focused on you. Allow me to do your will.
There is none greater than you, God. I want to serve you all the days of my life. I want to love and care for your people as you do. I have heard your call; I will go.
You are holy, and you are perfect.
I love you.

Isaiah 6:8
"Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, 'Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?' And I said, 'Here am I. Send me!'"

Israel

It's been four years to the month since I went to Israel. Woah.

My friend Jordan left today for the Holy Land for two weeks. She's going to absolutely love it, but it's also putting a huge strain on her semester. Please pray for her as she travels and as she returns to a giant mountain of homework. You should also follow along with her at Idle and Blessed as she blogs throughout her journey.

I'm so excited for her to come back. I've never really had anyone with whom I could talk to about Israel. It's going to bring it all back to me, and we can compare photographs and memories and experiences! I tried to tell her what to look forward to, and I ended up telling her everywhere we went and everything I saw. Ha!

Israel is a big part of who I am. I would not be the person I am nor the major I am without that experience. I'm thankful all over again for what God taught me through the land where He first revealed himself. I can only pray that God gives Jordan this same kind of experience.

Mercies.

I don't deserve heaven.
If the world were fair, we would all be headed straight downtown.
But there's hope. And it's glorious.
God is merciful.
How great is that?

I cannot be good enough. No matter how legalistic I am, I will never stop sinning. But the more I recognize my sin, the more I can see how great of a sacrifice Christ made on that cross. The greater my sin appears, the greater the gospel appears.

I fear the Lord. I want to fear Him. If He wasn't a God to fear, then He's nothing, powerless. It's awe inspiring. He has the power to send me to hell, and I deserve it, but He loves me, and He is merciful upon me.

It might sound like a horrible thing. It's not. I'm encouraged, and I'm hopeful.


There's a remnant.

Prospectives

I love prospective students, and I especially love their families, their parents.

But I'm sorry, nine hours in a bright red polo early on a Saturday morning is a struggle. A real struggle.

One good thing: we had five students visit for the School of Religion! I think that's a record for me, and it exceeded my goal (four).

Well, I'm headed to sleep. I'm pretending to ignore the fact that I have a giant test on Monday that I haven't started studying for.

I hope you all had prettier Saturdays than I did. May Sunday be your day of rest.

Lack of Self-Control

The Border's closest to me here in Nashville is closing. The sale started Thursday.

My resolve? one book.

My purchase? two.  Oops?

I carried three around for about half an hour and put back the hardback even though it sounded super interesting. I'm proud of myself for that at least.

Radical by David Platt
Neither Here Nor There by Bill Byrson

I read a Bill Bryson earlier this semester for a class. That one, The Mother Tongue, is about the English language and how it is the way it is. It was extremely entertaining and informative at the same time.

I really want to read this new one. Right now. I'm trying so hard to resist. So hard. I don't have time to start it right now and I know that, but it keeps staring at me.

I love new books.
I love old books.

I don't want our society to advance to a paperless, bookless society. I'll miss the smell of the pages and the way books look on my shelf.

What would you miss most if we stopped printing books?

A Compilation of Thoughts.

This has been such a long week. It hasn't been too horrible, but very, very long. And this weekend is going to be rough. Real rough.

I'm starting to get Greek and Hebrew confused. Not a good sign.

I turn papers in without reading over them.

I fall asleep in any building on campus. In public.

I fall asleep in my wooden desk chair in the middle of translating.

I have failed to do all of my work.


But I don't hate it. I think, at least I hope, that I'm having more fun this semester. I spend a lot of time by myself but I also see a wider variety of people when I do see people.

I think my life is actually moving forward, progressing. I'm not just taking classes.

Yes, there are times that I'd like to be a normal college student. But really? Can anyone see me happy like that? I can't.




On a side note, it's starting to sink in that I'll be spending most of the rest of 2011 in Europe. So darn excited!

You'd all like blog posts from there, wouldn't you?

And you know what, Luce, this blogging every day thing isn't all that bad. Thank you for the challenge.

The End of Childhood is Imminent.

"Dobby never meant kill. He only meant to maim or seriously injure."

I watched Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1 tonight in Belmont's student life center. Before it's been released on DVD!!

I love the movie, but I hate that the end is approaching. Harry Potter has been one of the largest parts of my childhood. It's weird to think that something that's been so me for so long will be all over in July. There's one last premiere, and, chances are, I won't be able to attend.

The Facebook group "Reading HP 7 was like killing the 7th horcrux of my childhood" is no joke. That's what it feels like. A huge part of what made me who I am has a true finite ending, and it's quickly approaching. A part of me will probably die the day part two is released.

I guess this just serves to remind me not to find my identify in anything but the eternal, the infinite. I should not be known as "a Harry Potter fan," and if that's all people are seeing, then something's wrong.

Excuse how ridiculous this sounds, but people should know me as "a Jesus fan." At least He won't come to a screeching halt on me after all these years.


It's strange having to say goodbye to my childhood, and for a number of reasons I don't want to let it go. But my ultimate purpose doesn't lie in my childhood, in my twelve-year-old self.

Much of who I am is a result of my fanatic love for Harry Potter and all things book related, and I do believe there was a point to that; however, I can't rely on it any longer. It has an end, as do all things.

Eric and Olivia

The Show Ponies

The Waiting Game

I'm sorry, but waiting stinks. Stinks like a family of skunks wafting through open car windows on a Texas road.

I feel as if all I've done for the past seven months is wait.

Wait, wait, wait.

Fill out an application.... Wait.
Ask for references.... Wait.
Ask references again because they didn't respond.... Wait.
Miss phone interview.... Wait.
Reschedule phone interview (twice).... Wait.
Do phone interview.... Wait.
... wait.

All those two to three week periods between "answers" add up.

And now? One last wait.

But that won't solve all the problems...

I'm late. Late, late, late. Very far behind.

I'm trying to let go of wait, wait, wait and late, late, late.

My new mantra?
Patience, patience, patience and trust, trust, trust.

Believe me, patience is one virtue I find very hard to come by.

What Constitutes Elegant Food?

I feel refined.

Margaret says that's ridiculous: it was fried southern cooking.

Explanation:

I took some big steps tonight.

1. I ate a carrot. A real, huge, raw carrot that started out with all of the other stuff (green stuff) on it that Margaret removed herself. And I ate it plain. Well, almost plain, with a little bit of hummus and/or cilantro dressing on each bite. BIG deal. I hate vegetables. But! It wasn't that bad! 

2. I ate salmon. Yes, you read that correctly. Salmon. As in the fish. Granted, it was in the form of salmon croquettes.... but still! And I enjoyed it! I even went back and picked up a second one!

So I don't care what way the food was prepared; I ate vegetables and fish tonight!

Be proud. 

Maybe I won't starve in Greece and Scotland...

Summertime?

Goodness! The weather is so unbelievably gorgeous!
I hate this time of year. The beautiful weather is such a tease. I can't believe we're not even close to summertime. I do not want to do any work!

I'm so ready for this:

                                               source

This is the Day.

For five years my mom woke me up over the intercom in the house for school with these words: "This is the day the LORD has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it."

It is no secret that I abhor mornings. And truthfully, it's not the morning I hate. I love mornings. I hate sleeping in and wasting the morning. What I more specifically abhor is waking up. If I have to wake up, I like waking up to natural sunlight. The sun is up; the day has begun. It's normal and it's natural.

My mom can't remind me of whose day it is every morning anymore. It may be a struggle, but I have to remind myself daily that this day is not my own. God has a purpose for my day. All I have to do is rejoice and praise Him, for He has given me another day, another opportunity to show His glory. I can't let those opportunities pass me by day after day.

I have to wake up sometime. What's more natural than waking up and praising God and going forth into the day with joy in my heart? The sunlight streaming through my window may be an outward reminder of what God is doing in my life, but it isn't necessary. The Word reminds me every day, no matter what the weather outside reflects.

I still have bad days, believe me; in fact, I probably have more bad, frustrated, unhappy, *insert negative adjective here* days than good days. Yet, the LORD made this day, and He is not a thoughtless maker.

If I wake up every day and remind myself that this day belongs to God, my Father, what is there not to rejoice about?

"Rejoice and be glad in it" is not an imperative statement, but merely actions that naturally follow acknowledgement of the LORD's day. It isn't even a conditional statement. It's future fact.

Mom, thank you for all those years of 6 a.m. wake ups for tennis practice in the dark, orchestra sectionals, and class. It was never anything I wanted to do, but I could never be angry about the morning when the first thing I heard was "This is the day the LORD has made."

There is no better way to wake up and embrace the day. I only have to remember that every day belongs to God. I can claim none for myself.

For a girl who suffered from anxiety and nausea every morning for years, this sure is one comforting and encouraging thought.

On Blogging

I've started thinking in blog titles. I'll be sitting in class or walking outside or doing homework or talking to friends and that situation leads to a blog idea. Then I come up with a snappy title for it.

The problem is... I don't have a ton of time to blog. When I do have the time, I don't want to choose just one of those blog ideas and they're all too outdated. I also hate having multiple ideas or themes in one post, yet I don't want to inundate you with twenty posts or so at once.

I'm not sure what I need to do to cure this. Obviously, I need to blog more often, even if it isn't long or poignant or significant. A photo here and a video there will work.

And if I make blogging a habit (because it is definitely something I like to do), then I'll be better about not allowing weeks to go between posts. I use my lack of time as an excuse, but if I'm so used to blogging and I blog more often but with smaller posts, then my time isn't truly an issue.

I need this blog. It's about the only time I write outside of class. I love writing (as I should--writing major and all...), but I find it difficult to write when I don't have something to say. The thing is... I know that I always have something to say. I just don't realize that I can write trivial things, things I have to say but I don't put much value to. Blogging is a relaxing escape for me. I need it more often, believe me.

I don't know. I don't know the point of what I'm saying. I don't know what I need to do. All I know is that I want to write, and I definitely don't do it enough.

I think I expect a job or an internship to just fall into my lap one day. I don't do anything to make employers want me, and I'm not building up a portfolio. I have papers for class, but nobody wants to see those. I know I'm talented, but how would somebody else know that if I don't give them anything to look at?

I've got to write--for me, for my future.

Blogging takes perseverance and dedication. I can do it. I can. My mind works this way. I've just got to put it to paper (metaphorically in this case).

I think? I don't really know.



Just some musings... on blogging.